A collection of unseen paths of healing through poetry and personal ups and downs

The journey of 2025

Healing is a journey, often winding and intricate. It is not just a straight line from pain to peace, but rather a series of unseen paths shaped by our experiences. Many of us find solace in art, particularly through poetry. This form of expression allows us to connect deeply with ourselves and others. By exploring our struggles and the challenges we face, we can shed light on aspects of our healing that often go unnoticed.

The Complexity of Healing

Healing is rarely as simple as starting in pain and gradually emerging into wellness. It is a dynamic journey filled with ups and downs. Research indicates that around 50% of individuals recovering from trauma experience setbacks at various points in their journey. The complexities of trauma, whether emotional, psychological, or physical, can manifest in unpredictable ways, often when we least expect it.

As we navigate our unique landscapes of healing, it's vital to recognize the varied emotions that accompany it. Some days, we may feel empowered, while others can feel overwhelmingly heavy. Accepting this flow can help us move forward more mindfully.

A peaceful setting for reflection and writing

The Power of Words -Begins at the start of every year!

2025.01.31

The sky unravels, spilling sorrow where I tread.

Each drop, a whisper, soft yet deep,

stirs the ache I long to shed.

The thunder groans, washing wounds I swore to keep.

Pain dissolves in these streams;

where I once held our dreams,

now I hear echoes only.

Let it pour, let it break,

flood the cracks, cleanse the ache.

In this storm, I stand alone,

washed anew, yet still my own

2025.02.02

Mirror, mirror—I see myself.

I don’t fear falling into anorexia anymore,

don’t fear the hernia, my belly button

looks more normal than before.

No more pain in my stomach,

cleansing well on this trip—

fruits and veggies, light on carbs, no meat.

Maybe I’ll find my way back to who I used to be,

standing in pageants, knowing I am a beauty queen.

I can’t hide the scars from my emergency surgery,

but I can tighten them, make them part of me.

One day, someone will kiss them,

love them as they are, love me.

And I must love them too,

knowing they will stretch again

when I carry life inside me.

For now, I see small changes

in the hardest places to heal—

still recovering, still learning

to balance mind and body as one.

Under the sun, I see myself clearer,

softened by waves, strengthened by steps.

Not just less weight, but less weight to carry—

a body learning, a mind unburdening.

2025.02.03

On the road again, driving us back

To our first destination, where it all began.

Nostalgia hits; I don’t want to lose you all again.

Long time no see—sacrifices made each year

To visit when I can, because in my country

You can’t come in without the approval

Of those who decide your worthiness.

To me, you are worthy of all the effort and time.

I wish I could spend more days of the year with y’all,

But it hasn’t been finalized yet.

One day, many more adventures like this

Will fill the gaps of years I don’t truly know about you.

I don’t want to sleep at the airport;

I don’t want to lose any chance

Of a new memory with you in it.

2025.02.04

Long night, short day.

Departing from San Jose, heading back to Houston—

Home, though I dread returning.

Who can I call to pick me up from the airport today?

I forgot to finalize this a couple of days in advance,

And now it’s Tuesday; everyone is working.

Aghh, time to panic

About how to get home to bed.

2025.02.05

Challenge myself to run free.

Return to my favorite pursuit: running.

Blood pumping, heart beating,

Listening to the rhythm of my feet,

Each step a reminder: the ground exists

Only when I choose to stand.

As I stand, I recall what I fight for;

In running, I find the strength

To propel toward my desires.

Endless roads, marked and flawed,

Lead me on journeys I gladly embrace.

2025.02.06

Old habits I need to break.

Can’t call or hear his voice I’m aware

New sleep schedule Aghh here we go again

Food ohh how easy it is no more seasonings in my chicken or any dish that I taste

Clothes need to revamp to not smell his cologne that lingers in the air and stayed in my bed

Condition one day at a time on how to not care

2025.02.06

Can’t play sad songs on this day.

Instead, I’ll have a hangout day

with my bestie, who brings me joy on any given day.

How to love a dear friend—

I’m lucky enough to say

I still have friends from elementary and middle school to this day.

We may not be perfect in any way,

but I’ve cherished our growing pains

and will always be just a phone call away.

That is, of course, when I’m not lost in sadness,

hiding away with DND and airplane mode.

Sorry, Grama, I know you can’t reach me by phone.

Please, everyone, send a letter to my home.

2025.02.07

Anxiety grips me when thoughts collide,

but guess what—I finally put into practice

all the exercises I learned in therapy months ago.

I was stuck in a limbo of my own making,

unaware of how deeply it affected my everyday life.

They say I’m high-functioning, and that’s true,

yet how do I control the hidden corners of my mind,

the parts I’m not even aware of?

Perhaps it takes nothing more than patience

and the grace to be the person I need to overcome

these challenges every day.

2025.02.08

Blessed—another girl in the family, wohoo, I can say!

I want a child of my own,

but for a while it seems I will only get to live

through my family and friends.

They don’t know how much it means to me

to see everyone, in their own world,

making their families work.

It gives me hope that maybe one day

I’ll be in the same situation,

where I can proudly say, “It’s a girl!” or “It’s a boy!”

Let’s celebrate.

2025.02.09

Dancing away is sometimes the better way.

My bestie and I are listening to the bass at the rave,

united we dance to the rhythm of the night

that transcends this very moment.

I’m enjoying the vibes—

I forget just how much I love electronic music

when I’m in an unstoppable mood,

unable to deny that I shine.

Music in my heart, music in my head—

let’s bop until our heels break.

(I broke two pairs of heels in one day.)

2025.02.10

motivation—I need it to pursue this next degree.

Once, survival mode propelled me forward,

Fueled by anger, disappointment, frustration, and fear—

A fire that burned through my turmoil,

Pushing me to do more, be better, desire more.

But that has changed.

Since graduating, since gaining independence,

I’ve grown comfortable with my own success.

Now, I move with intention,

Chasing my future goals—not out of fear,

But out of choice.

2025.02.11

Ask for a date—what a funny thought.

“Choose a partner,” they say.

But how do you choose

When you seek someone who inspires you

To surpass your already high expectations of yourself?

Plus, my desire to travel,

To always be on the move,

Requires more energy than most can muster in a day.

I don’t need caffeine to stay awake—

If anything, I need it to sleep.

And somehow, that makes me feel less guilty

That I have too much energy

For them to keep up with my life,

My dreams,

My desires at best.

2025.02.12

Jammed myself to the saddest song I knew,

But somehow, in the mix of my emotions and the melody,

It stopped—an incoming call.

Your name popped up on my screen,

And suddenly, I remembered you.

It made me feel oddly more upset than I wished I would be,

Still hoping that one day,

I could kill every emotion I ever felt for you.

But they linger, like a song I’ve known forever,

A tune my soul refuses to forget.

I ignored it, hoping that one day,

My promise to you would fade too.

2025.02.13

First love, warm and tender,

Nothing more blissful than what I now see

As snapshots of my youth.

Adventure, endless possibilities—

Nothing seemed to bring harm.

A twinkle in the eyes,

Two hearts in perfect sync,

Carried through space and all between.

Tender love,

Youthful love,

Crazy love.

Wonderful memories I will always hold—

And in those moments, I wish I were young again.

2024.02.14

Happy Valentine’s Day

To those who have a loved one to hold.

A blessing we share,

Not just today,

But in the quiet, everyday moments of love.

Be it a pet, a friend, a lover, a partner—

Cherish the love that holds you.

For in anger, despair, annoyance, or hurt,

We sometimes lose the ones we care for

In the blink of an eye.

2025.02.15

The Komodo dragon died of age,

his home left empty.

We turned off the lamp—

no more sunbathing, it seemed.

We took the motorcycle out for a ride.

At the park, we found a snake,

its tail swollen, a ball beneath the skin.

What happened? Who knows.

We took it home.

I held it close, the snake in the backpack,

lying on its back.

Scared of getting bit,

but somehow, I lost my fear of snakes.

For a few hours,

it hid in a shoebox,

until we placed it in the Komodo’s old tank.

But in the end,

we let our pet snake go—

to live out whatever time he had left

before he, too, was gone.

2025.02.16

Boooww

Always made me laugh—

the joy in the sounds of

Shamuu and Shamboo.

At first, I thought it was crazy,

had to ask what they even meant.

And if it was so tragic,

why mention it at all?

But now, those words remain,

filling empty spaces,

memories rushing in like waves.

2025.02.17

What’s worse—being lied to or deceived?

They go hand in hand.

One is born from fear,

a wish to spare someone pain.

The other is deliberate,

a mask over the truth,

marked by cowardice.

Both hurt the same

in the realm of possibilities.

But one is easier to forgive—

you can hold onto the good.

The other destroys more deeply,

unraveling every word ever spoken.

2025.02.17 - potentially for this edition but preferably for 2024

Your my bad boy fairytale

Falling Easy

I wear my heart like a summer breeze,

Open, untethered, swept with ease.

Each glance, each word—a spark, a flame,

A rush that calls my heart by name.

A fairytale—I’ll be your bad girl,

You pull me into the wild.

Can’t go back to the way it was,

It was a twisted rush,

Hitting me like a hurricane—

I could never say no.

I fall so easily, it’s true,

Not out of haste, but what feels true.

A longing for connection’s grace,

To find a home in someone’s heart.

Nobody does it like you.

I’m drawn to love, not for the chase,

But for the way it lights the space.

A soft surrender, no need to fight,

Falling into love feels pure and right.

You got me caught up,

I’m loving all the crazy things you make me do.

Maybe it’s the way I trust,

Or how my heart turns to dust.

But in this dance of love and light,

I fall so easy, into flight.

Though distance keeps us far apart,

I’ll keep our story in my heart.

2025.02.18

Twinkle, twinkle, in every star—

I laid my eyes upon that wish.

I hope to see that constellation

once more,

the one we embraced as our own,

a once-in-a-generation sight.

It was the tenderness we sought

as we traveled through seasons,

And roads mapping our destinies.

2025.02.18

Meet you by chance or maybe by fate,

In a place I’d love to call my own—

A magical moment in my spiritual growth.

Out in the countryside, far from town,

I’m so glad I let you meet me.

Even when, in the end,

You wanted to point fingers at me during our game,

We still made a fine team—I’d say.

I may have needed your help

With microwaveable rolls and vegetables—

Like I told you, all my exes cooked with me or for me—

I’m not the best.

At least you finished the food

Before I could mess it up for the group.

We’re climbing soon, and I know

When it gets tough, I might start losing hope.

But tonight—

I don’t want to go home.

I saw the sun rise,

And I knew it was time to clock out.

Time to leave.

I’m not ready to go on cruise control,

Not ready to let this fade into a memory,

But I already know—

You brought me back to life.

It wasn’t meant to be the end game—

Just a spark to remind me

I can still love,

Because I am vulnerable enough to feel,

And brave enough to see the beauty in it.

One day, I’ll have a husband

Who never wants to go without me—

Until the very end.

2025.02.18 - shorter version

Weekend trip to the hike we go,

A fun experience with those to whom we freely give love.

From afar, I stare at this guy I don’t quite know—

I can’t explain why I feel drawn to him,

Is it his charm, or the way he reasons?

He reminds me of someone I once knew,

The center of attention, charming,

A leader—firm yet laid back—

Giving me a sense of hope.

I desire to know him,

Or at least see him once more.

But I understand now:

This moment was meant to grow my faith,

To prepare for the spouse in my future,

Not in my present.

2025.02.19

Pop, it goes.

That was intimate and fun.

Never had someone so close to my face before.

Little things are what I usually remember,

and that’s what propels me to love you more.

Not the materialistic things that everyone desires.

Don’t get me wrong—I like to live comfortably,

but I also understand what fulfills me,

and closeness was enough for me.

2025.02.19

Woke up when I didn’t want to,

Not because I didn’t care,

But because I was fighting the urge

To close the door behind you and never open it again.

I brushed off every lie I sensed,

Giving you the benefit of the doubt.

I know I might seem too carefree to notice deception,

And maybe I overthink—

But I’ve walked in darkness long enough

To know how to live.

My freedom-loving spirit is mistaken for foolishness.

I let a lot slide,

And it makes others think I’m naive.

But it’s the child in me I always let be—

The innocent and pure,

The one who still wants to believe in others.

But don’t mistake me.

I know how to walk to the open door

Where I used to stand.

2025.02.20

Stepped into a Walmart,

And a knot formed in my chest.

Tried to keep walking, tried not to think of us—

Roaming the aisles, playing in the carts,

Deciding what we’d make for the day.

You liked sandwiches. I did not.

This time, I was in a store I didn’t know,

Had to ask for help,

Only to get confused between my right and left.

But for once, it wasn’t me—

The lady gave the wrong directions, not me.

Got annoyed,

Because it used to be easier—

Getting things for the home that required your skill set.

But then I stopped,

Remembered what you taught me.

Paused at the equipment we used to look at,

Told myself—I may look okay on the surface,

But I’m still going through it.

I’m not hurting,

But I remember.

And that’s okay.

It’s not easy, but it gets easier.

I took a breath, walked out the door,

And reminded myself—

I’ve done this alone before.

2025.02.20

I learned what my love meant to me.

I can love you to the bone with loyalty,

Be the step for you to climb to your highest,

And forgive your battles before my own.

I would love you to death,

But my eyes can no longer see you the same.

My silence now reminds me why I can’t speak to you.

My loyalty tested over time,

But my love will remain, forever, till my death.

Yet, with every breath,

I can no longer sigh or wish it could be the best.

2025.02.21

I tell myself I won’t fall in love,

But for a hopeless romantic, it’s easy.

I laugh because I try to be stern,

Guarded, even dismissive—

But deep down, my faith isn’t buried.

At least, not yet.

I’m still young.

Emotionally, I know I can manage heartbreak,

The way I handle tragic cases—

With distance, with composure.

But then come the stolen moments—

Kisses, glances, arms wrapped for warmth,

Wishful thoughts of forever.

In the shower,

In the bed,

In your arms,

On late-night drives.

And of course—

I’m the passenger princess, after all.

2025.02.22

Out Tonight With My Faith

Trying to order myself a drink,

I felt a heavy stare—

Was it hate or just distaste?

I looked, puzzled, at the stranger,

until the past pieced itself together.

A long-ago lover, maybe—

but I wasn’t thinking of him.

I was thinking of the one I loved,

the one he called his best friend.

I know he hated it.

I know he hated me for it.

But what can you do for a crushed lover

who lost more than just me

to his own immaturity?

2024.02.22

Sending me your address—

bad idea, right?

In your house,

your kisses all around,

your scent lingering on me.

You want my hands soft, buttered,

smooth enough for you to feel.

You say I’ve been through a lot,

that you want me safe with you.

You call me bonita,

your hands in my mouth,

the dentist that you are,

caring for my teeth, sharing the love.

We share more than a plate,

traditions colliding,

worlds intertwining.

A smooth talker, a little egotistical,

but charming—with model looks to match.

An accent straight out of my dreams—

three languages spoken,

two more read but never said aloud.

Confident in all of them,

reminding me of Michele Morrone,

but more uniquely you.

You swear your country’s food is the best—

I won’t argue.

It might even outrank my old favorite, Italian.

You’re passionate about everything,

even your cologne—

strong, like you.

And I sit here wondering,

how did I end up in this moment,

with a version of my dream guy?

But deep down, I know—

I might disappoint you.

Too stubborn, too independent,

too unused to being cared for

the way you’d want to.

You say, one step at a time,

but I’m lost in my own.

Still, I can’t deny—

I like someone as passionate as me,

as worldly, as sure of themselves.

A traveler with great music taste,

a man who knows his worth.

So different from what I’ve known.

2025.02.23

Evaluating an old case,

Reminded of the same fate.

I recall you asking me—

To end both our lives,

Because my pain was yours,

And yours was mine.

I never realized how deep it ran.

Madly in love, I endured it all—

Through thick and thin,

Through danger,

Even when it was killing me.

I never admitted it wasn’t healthy.

I wanted it to be you.

But now, I’m grateful—

Grateful I wasn’t taken

From my own spirit.

2025.02.24

To forgive oneself is hard.

When you’re young, you believe

You know the truth—

That no one would hurt you.

I experienced the bruises, felt the pain,

But never thought

Emotional wounds could cut deeper.

I denied it, told myself it would get better,

But it only drained my health,

My efforts, my spirit.

Looking back, I reflect on this journey,

Grateful for therapy,

For the strength to stay aware.

We can’t stay victims forever,

But we can carry on,

And set a new standard for ourselves.

2025.02.25

If you happen to be the one,

Don’t forget about me.

August 8th will come fast,

Before I even remember why I felt like this.

I hope to be there for you,

What a special day it will be—

And I hope it means crossing paths once more,

So I can truly believe in love.

2025.02.26

A sweet surprise—

A little drawing and jewelry,

What a thoughtful touch.

Most see material things as a show,

But I cherish the details.

This gift reminded me of childhood days,

When love was shown in little, thoughtful ways—

Even my best friends knew the power of details.

I loved that this was made for me.

2025.02.27

Tell Me What’s Mine

Found myself sitting in a dark well,

Trying to end it all—

That seizure was a shock.

Who knew the mix wasn’t strong enough?

Needed a potion,

But the curse of a mind with willpower—

It wouldn’t let me go.

Tried to make it better,

Thought I knew better.

Pulled from the ashes,

A soul reborn, grasping at faith.

Cowardly? Maybe.

But it was just an escape.

No warnings—

Just a twisted game with fate.

I saw you, holding your cards

To an empty heart.

Running out of patience,

No time for clarity,

No remedy left to unfold.

Deceiving my heart with fire—

But I am fire.

Contained, yet combustible,

After years of feeling torn,

Broken, battered, helpless, drained.

I got tired—

Tired of seeking comfort in answers,

Of searching for an escape.

It was a sickening nightmare.

2025.02.28

Cuts deep, leaves a scar.

A flashback, a memory—

Pretty lights, we know them.

Silver bullets smoking,

Kisses thrown like loose change.

We had all night to fall in love,

But that mask—it cracked.

I watched you lose yourself

In the spin of broken records,

Money slipping for her taste, her sight.

Nothing could save you now.

I let the record spin—broken.

Let the cut sink deeper.

Silence shattered,

The mirror crashed,

And crisp brown-red flowed all around.

The alcohol you left behind—

Water to cleanse me,

To numb it all.

2025.03.01

Felt the power of the game,

A rush that took me back—

To the court, to the sweat, to the fire.

The attitude, the thrill, the fun of it.

The crowd roaring, sneakers screeching,

Cheers and chants filling the air.

Each quarter, the weight of winning or losing—intense, electric.

I was Yaya—quick on my feet,

A competitor, a fighter, a dreamer.

From home games to away games,

Every battle felt like my own.

LeBron on my screen,

Games stacked in my collection like trophies,

Reminding me of the love I never lost.

But life had its own playbook.

Injuries, family duties—

The game I lived for became one I had to leave.

No more warm-ups, no more buzzer-beaters.

Just echoes of what once was.

And yet, here I am, back in the stands,

Watching, feeling, living it in a different way.

My hometown, another court—

Not as a player, but still in love with the game.

2025.03.02

It won’t be long, darling,

Because a one-way ticket isn’t always the road to paradise.

I let you think it was your move—so smooth,

Let you believe in a war you’d already lost.

Did you think commitment meant

I’d never waver, never change my mind?

That my loyalty was yours to claim,

No matter how many times you tested it?

Sorry for breaking our chain—

For doing the very thing I knew you would.

But no matter the temptation,

I can walk away knowing—

I did my best.

2025.03.03

There is a softness in the light, a heaviness in the dark,

Where even escape is tinted with shades of gray.

But in the transition, I hold on tight—

Drifting between worlds, watching life unfold,

Rather than becoming the life that others know.

I long to live unbound, yet retreat to reclaim myself.

It is my duality that drives me,

My resilience that strengthens me,

And my rebirth that brings abundance.

Yet, above all, I empower myself to be more.

2025.03.04

Once, I was given roses in an imported vase,

Meant to symbolize rebirth and the cycle of life.

Each rose, a reminder of both growth and decay,

The petals shedding like the seasons,

Marking time with their gentle fall.

I was given a rose inside a glass globe,

A forever beauty, static, meant to be admired.

But it could never bloom again,

Forever captured in its perfect form.

Today, I gave myself flowers—

Not for a lover, not for a special occasion,

But simply because I deserve beauty,

Because I am the garden I’ve nurtured.

Soft petals, like the kindness I’ve learned to give,

A fragrance that lingers, reminding me—

Love isn’t just something we receive,

It’s something we cultivate from within.

No waiting, no wishing, no hoping for more.

I bloom for me. I shed and grow,

Like the first rose still blooming in my family’s garden,

A symbol of resilience,

Of becoming more than I ever thought possible.

2025.03.05 - The Rider and the Horse

I met a mind that moved like mine,

fluid in thought, steady in wonder.

We spoke of fate—amor fati—

how adversity isn’t a storm to fear,

but a wind meant to shape us.

Nietzsche whispered through the echoes,

the Stoics nodding in quiet approval.

To love one’s fate, to embrace the fire—

not as punishment, but as a forge.

A lesson carved into the soul.

He spoke of the rider and the horse,

of how emotions surge like wild beasts,

but wisdom holds the reins, steadying the gallop.

Not to break the spirit, but to guide it,

to ride with grace instead of chaos.

I listened. I absorbed.

A rare moment where words didn’t just pass—

they lingered, settled, found a home.

A conversation that didn’t just fill time,

but expanded it.

And for a moment,

I wasn’t just the rider,

I was the horse, too.

2025.03.06 - Cleared for Takeoff

Once, my body was a battlefield—

Scars from metal, breath stolen by sickness,

A heart weighed down by exhaustion.

I counted days in doctor’s visits,

Held my breath between test results,

Wondered if I’d ever feel whole again.

Hope faded like an old photograph,

Colors washed out by pain and waiting.

I learned to live in survival mode,

Treading water, always just above the waves.

Some nights, my mind fought wars

My body couldn’t afford to lose.

But today—today, I exhale.

Cleared. Free.

Told to chase horizons instead of shadows,

To let my feet wander where my spirit calls.

Because I am still here, still standing.

Not just surviving—living.

So I will go.

Not to escape, but to embrace.

To run with the wind,

To touch the earth with gratitude,

To love this body that once betrayed me,

And thank it for carrying me through.

2025.03.07

Took a month off therapy,

Came back and checked in—

This time stronger, healthier, brighter.

I glow now, not just in appearance,

But in the way my heart feels lighter,

The way my mind moves freely,

Unburdened by the weight it once carried.

I speak with confidence,

Not just of progress, but of peace.

I feel the shift within me—

My body no longer trapped in survival,

Cortisol dropping like old fears shed.

I am no longer just functioning,

I am thriving.

My mind is right,

So my body follows.

2025.03.08

You want what you can’t have—

a diamond locked behind glass,

a silk thread slipping through your hands,

a rare perfume whose scent lingers

but never stays.

Twenty missed calls,

masked behind unknown numbers—

but even shadows can’t touch the sun.

I blocked you, erased you,

turned the page before you even learned the words.

Call me cruel, call me cold—

I call it priceless.

Some things aren’t meant to be owned,

and I was never yours to claim.

Threats won’t unlock closed doors,

obsession won’t rewrite the ending.

I have seen storms before,

but I will not be washed away.

So stay away.

Don’t haunt the steps I take.

I know you will read this—

but you’ll never have me.

2025.03.09

All-Consuming

I lose control,

wild, untamed—

a spark caught in the wind.

A touch after waiting too long,

a thrill so sharp it burns.

Fingers trace fire along my skin,

each caress knocking on locked doors.

It’s a sweet little shame,

to feel this good,

to melt into something forbidden.

Taste my lips—I’ll taste you.

A slow surrender, a mutual exchange,

giving, receiving,

letting desire speak in tongues.

2025.03.10

Blind in Trust

Bound in stitches, trusting the unknown,

Eyes veiled, hands reaching for certainty—

But certainty was never there.

I cut the threads,

Scissors sharp with clarity,

Regaining focus on the truth in front of me.

Forgiveness and mistakes become worn-out excuses,

A cycle dressed as understanding,

But I see it now—

The loss of trust carves deeper than the loss of people.

Not the tears of disappointment,

But the ache of foolish belief,

The weight of knowing I gave too much

To something that was never whole.

I no longer seek to be bound

By the innocence of wanting perfection.

I do not ask for illusions,

Nor do I fear the reality that love—trust—

Is sometimes only meant to exist in fleeting moments.

Temporary pauses hold more wisdom

Than desperate clinging to a fragile dream.

Truth requires stillness, patience, a step back—

To see clearly, to breathe freely,

To walk forward unchained.

Kindness remains my compass,

Not as a gift to be exploited,

But as a standard,

A quiet power.

2025.03.11

Swinging in the magic swings,

Above a panoramic view painted with life,

Trails winding through the heart of the earth’s beauty.

I recall the gentle kiss of my donkey,

A sweet exchange for the sugarcane juice it pressed—

A memory stitched with joy, simple and pure.

The Galápagos whispers to me still,

Calling me back to its shores,

Where I once studied the vegetation,

Working to restore what nature had long preserved.

In that minimalist way of life,

I found more than survival—

I found freedom, purpose, and peace.

They shaped my wonder,

Guided my spirit to roam—

A traveler drawn to the world’s quiet truths.

My purpose blooms in those moments,

Fulfilling a spiritual connection—

To the universe, my body, and my soul.

Balance reveals itself in nature’s rhythm,

A silent meditation where I learn—

To nurture the earth as it nurtures me,

A beautiful exchange of care,

Rooted in love, curiosity, and awe.

2025.03.12 - What I Have Learned

I have learned

that love is a layered thing —

not just a hand reaching out,

but a hand reaching in.

I have learned

to fall in love with you —

not in a way that loses me,

but in a way that finds us both

standing whole, side by side.

I have learned

to fall in love with myself —

to greet my own reflection

with kindness instead of critique,

to wear my scars like medals,

to know that healing is not

the absence of wounds

but the presence of courage.

I have learned

to fall in love with life —

to find poetry in morning light,

laughter in passing moments,

and purpose in simply being here.

And I have learned

that love — all love —

begins where I stand,

rooted in the quiet truth

that I am enough.

2025.03.13 - The Underrated Glow Up

The greatest glow up isn’t seen —

it’s felt, stitched beneath the skin,

a quiet shift in the soul’s gaze.

Emotional intelligence —

a philosophy that reshapes you,

like water learning the curves of a stone,

soft yet relentless.

It’s knowing when silence speaks louder than words,

when to stand firm

and when to fold with grace.

It’s finding power

not in being right,

but in being whole.

You learn to seek peace

instead of control,

to crave understanding

more than applause.

You stop chasing what flees

and lean into what stays —

gentle voices, steady hearts,

a life stitched with quiet wisdom.

The glow doesn’t shout,

but it hums —

a warmth in your chest,

a calm in your mind,

a light that needs no mirror

to know it shines.

2025.03.14 - Too Late

I set myself on fire

just to keep you warm —

fed the flames with my own breath,

watching my edges curl to ash

so you wouldn’t feel the cold.

I tried so hard to be seen,

waving my heart like a flag,

crossing oceans and time zones

to stand closer to you —

to prove I belonged

in the life we were building.

I left my dreams

folded neatly in the corner,

traded them for plans

that spelled our happiness —

one I thought we were writing together.

I bought myself a place

to call home,

Waited to remodel the walls in colors

I hoped you’d love,

imagined our voices filling the rooms

like music.

I forced myself to be ready —

for family, for forever —

while you stumbled through your steps,

still finding your footing.

I held steady for both of us —

but when you finally stood tall,

it was too late.

The fire had burned too long.

My hands were scorched,

my heart left smoldering.

And when you reached for me,

all that remained

was smoke rising in the dark.

2025.03.15 - Lustful eyes

I’m paying attention to those lustful eyes—

how they flicker like candlelight,

flickering between warmth and warning.

I see fire, but the burn depends

on what you mean to ignite.

If you come with tenderness,

those eyes soften —

like dusk folding into night,

a quiet promise whispered in the dark.

I could fall easy, safe in your gaze.

But if your mind weaves shadows,

if hunger drives your stare,

those same eyes sharpen —

like glass catching the sun,

all glint and risk,

a blade disguised as light.

So I watch,

measuring flame against flicker,

wondering which version of you

will meet me in the dark.

2025.03.16 - The Visitors

Patience knocks first —

quiet and steady,

teaching me to breathe

through unanswered questions.

Hope follows,

a soft whisper at my ear,

reminding me that even endings

can bloom into beginnings.

Peace drifts in like morning light —

gentle, golden,

warming the corners of my mind

I once kept in shadow.

Humility arrives barefoot,

hands open,

teaching me that strength

isn’t found in loudness

but in knowing when to listen.

Kindness shows up with quiet eyes,

turning my sharp edges soft —

teaching me to offer grace,

even to myself.

Confidence strides in bold,

filling the room with its presence —

not boastful,

but sure of what deserves to stay.

Focus waits last,

calm and unwavering,

showing me the power

of choosing one path

when so many call my name.

Together, they gather —

each a piece of me restored.

And in their company,

I find a sense of freedom —

not the kind that runs away,

but the kind that stands firm,

rooted in who I choose to be.

It’s been a long journey to reach this —

to gather my scattered pieces

and wear them like armor,

like wings.

2025.03.17

There is so much to hide —

Your true intentions, your true nature.

You treat me like a queen when we go out,

Showing off a love that feels loud and proud.

Wrapped me in glory before the crowd —

But when no one’s around,

Kindness vanishes from your eyes.

The way you look at me — cold, distant —

Tells me this time, there’s a stranger in my life.

You’re not the person I once knew.

Are you afraid they’ll see you like I do?

A stranger too.

Did I wrong you enough to deserve this cruelty?

Did I make you question who’s in the room?

You looked perfect in every way,

Yet somehow, I knew.

When it all comes crashing down,

I know I’ll be blamed —

For keeping your secret safe.

I think of all the time I wasted — and cry.

But who are you?

2025.03.18 - Fuel for the Fire

Most make excuses for their everydays,

but I stay in motion—

always moving, always creating, always becoming.

Why?

Because I burn with passion.

Because I do nothing halfway.

I give my soul to everything I touch,

pouring myself in until there’s nothing left.

I am not easy to keep around—

not for the faint of heart,

not for those who settle for half-measures.

If I choose to be here, I give my all,

even when exhaustion grips me,

even when my fire flickers.

Because freedom calls me,

because knowledge fuels me,

because I was never meant to stay still.

2025.03.19 - Too Much, Yet Just Enough

I still love,

though the fire has mellowed to embers,

glowing softly, waiting for the right wind to rise.

On any given day,

the urge whispers—to shrink,

to fold into their world, their rhythm, their ways.

But I know I was never meant to settle.

I am too much,

and yet, just enough for the life I choose.

I reach, I climb, I strive—

never content with the comforts they crave.

There is a world to devour,

music to feel, art to breathe,

love to embrace, life to live—every single day.

Break the chains that once bound you,

release the weight of wanting less.

Why limit yourself,

when the greatest gift is yours to hold?

Between all the chaos, the stress, the fleeting doubts,

there is peace.

And that is where I stay.

2025.03.20 - No Rush, No Void

They ask why I struggle to make time,

why my feet never stay too long in one place.

What’s wrong with my constant go?

I tell them—

I raised a family before my time,

carried the weight of love that never made it to the vow.

I’ve known the sting of almost,

the ache of promises left unsigned.

But now, there is nothing to fill,

no void to mend,

no betrayal to heal from.

No questioning my worth,

no quiet battles of who loves more,

who stays, who strays.

I move because I am free.

And love?—it will find me when it is meant to.

I do not chase,

I do not place myself where I know they won’t stay.

Because love, real love,

doesn’t ask me to stop being me.

2025.03.21 - No More Chains

The feeling is gone—

no more troubled mind,

no more confusion pulling me between pain and hope.

Nothing was in vain, though,

not even the storms I walked through alone.

Once, I thought love was a chain,

but now I see—real love doesn’t desert you,

it doesn’t leave you gasping for air,

doesn’t fade into distant eyes and hollow words.

One day, you touch and go separate ways,

and the hurt may linger, but I do not.

I walk forward, no longer bonded, no longer blind.

No longer waiting for an apology

that will never come.

I go with love, with faith, with peace.

Because love was never his to take—

it was always mine to keep.

2025.03.22

Lying in bed, staring at the ceiling,

the morning hums with the songs of birds.

No arms around me, no restless wondering—

just the quiet certainty of being enough.

I feel at home in my own home,

at peace in my mind, in my soul.

I have returned to myself,

full of light, alive with possibility.

Radiant sunshine pours through my window,

whispering of adventures yet to come,

of endless memories waiting to unfold.

I feel it in my bones—

I am free. I am whole.

2025.03.23

I remember my scholarship ceremony,

the way I stood, celebrated, honored—

but you weren’t there.

You were at a pool party instead,

admiring the ink on her skin—

was it her thigh, her arm, her ribs,

or beneath her breast?

I don’t even remember anymore.

I only remember your words,

the ones you never gave to me.

You dressed me how you wanted,

made sure I wouldn’t draw too many eyes,

made me feel small,

made me hate myself.

That night, you changed your passwords,

walked away with your friends,

said we needed a break.

But you left me.

I finished the last of the liquor,

stared at my reflection until it blurred,

struck the mirror like I could shatter

the version of me you created.

I screamed at myself

for loving you more than I loved me.

We said forever,

but forever never meant growth—

only staying in a cycle I didn’t deserve.

I cried, I fought, I bled in silence,

trying to keep promises

that only broke me further.

And in the end,

it wasn’t a single moment that destroyed me,

but the slow erosion of who I was—

so gradual, I never saw it coming.

2025.03.24

I wrote myself letters for years,

poured my soul into pages I never sent.

A whole year passed in sadness,

not realizing grief had wrapped itself around me,

a quiet mourning I never named.

High-functioning, unbreakable—

or so I told myself.

The military trained me to endure,

life trained me to fight.

But no training prepared me for this:

for the silence, for the tears shed in the dark,

for the nights you slept peacefully beside me,

while I prayed for the strength to leave

what was killing me.

Emergency room visits, breathless attacks,

my grandmother’s eyes filled with sorrow.

She saw the truth long before I did.

She never forgave you.

Neither did my family.

But me?

I forgave myself.

For believing love alone could be enough.

For waiting on change that never came.

For holding the key to my own lock

but convincing myself I was trapped.

I look back now and mourn the girl

who only wanted to be loved.

No expectations, no demands—

just love.

But love should never have to mean survival.

And now I know,

the strongest thing I ever did

was finally choosing myself

2025.03.25 - The Last Time You Stood at My Door

The last time I saw you,

standing outside my door,

you handed me the truth—

a truth that had been hidden from me for months.

Not by you,

but by the one I called my soul sister.

The one who listened as I cried over you,

who told me you were the worst,

who swore I deserved better—

all while keeping her own secret.

I told you once,

I dreamed of a redhead.

Of you,

of her,

of betrayal stitched into the seams of a story

I hadn’t yet read.

You swore it would never happen.

And maybe it didn’t matter that you took her out,

that she sat where I once did,

wrapped around you on that motorcycle,

dining together like it wasn’t romantic although she had a boyfriend when you both did.

No—what mattered was the lie,

the way she smiled in my face,

the way none of you held integrity in your hands.

She, the one I trusted.

You, the one I already lost.

I wanted to rip the mask off her face,

to make her see what she had done.

And suddenly, everything made sense—

why she could never keep friends,

why she needed to feel wanted in ways she never had before.

I knew you’d go for her.

I saw the signs long before you admitted it.

Saw the searches, the gifts, the way she lingered

while I tried to rebuild myself from the ruins you left.

You wanted me to leave the first guy

who showed me kindness after you,

just so you could destroy me again.

And she?

She played her part well.

But the worst part of it all?

I was the only one who ever played fair.

2025.03.26 - Dreaming

Slept eleven hours—

was it exhaustion, or peace in the darkness of my room?

I always say I don’t dream,

but today, I woke shaken—

his polished suit, his effortless smile.

A venue, a promise, a lifetime ahead?

Who was this man?

How dare he slip into my mind?

I woke up—

a pulled muscle, tangled sheets,

stumbling, almost crashing into the door.

Was I lost in a dream, or was he thinking of me too?

Commitment feels like an allergy,

yet the stars could align.

Perfect never meant perfect.

Wake my dreams, wash away the fantasy—

but still, I wonder.

Do you see me?

Am I there too?

Dreaming of you tonight,

nowhere else I’d rather be.

Here in my room, lost in the thought of you.

But tell me—who is this man?

2025.03.27

Almost ready for a new start,

but the thoughts won’t quiet.

I feel them pressing closer—

a whisper, a touch, a maybe.

Could I let myself be loved for once?

I just can’t.

It feels like hands trying to hold,

trying to own,

telling me he is the right one.

He says finally.

I say it’s hard to tame me.

Even in the night,

I don’t let anyone closer than I allow.

They want to feel my skin,

taste my tongue—

but love is not a claim,

not a sin.

You think I am open for all of that,

but love is more than desire.

There are many ways to love—

free, undefined, built on respect.

2025.03.28 - Love in Motion

I wanted a hand to hold,

a steady breath beside me—

not these pillows sculpted into silhouettes,

not these fleeting shadows

I pretend are warmth.

But still, the silence was enough,

the hush between passing trains,

the cocoon of darkness I’ve kept inside my room,

the rest my body has long whispered for,

the peace my soul had forgotten how to crave.

Love has never been a chase for me.

I am drawn to the rare few

who carry both fire and stillness,

who weave ambition into wonder,

who sculpt words that make my mind unfold

like a river carving it’s way home.

I am motion, untamed and endless—

a whirlwind of longing and laughter,

of fleeting touches and firefly thoughts.

To some, too much.

To the right one, just enough.

For them, maybe, I would linger.

Stay a little longer.

Let time settle like dust in golden light.

But I love in movement—

in footsteps tracing unknown roads,

in laughter echoing against canyon walls,

in the way fingertips graze adventure

before slipping into night.

Still, for now, I rest.

Alone, but never lonely,

watching romcoms in the hush of my home,

smiling at the thought—

maybe love will know where to find me.

2025.03.29 - The Vampire and the Nymph

We swayed in moonlit contrast,

your hands cold against my warmth,

a vampire and a nymph—

one bound to shadow,

the other born of light.

I stayed inside for you,

wilting under dim-lit rooms,

losing my olive glow to the hunger in your eyes,

drained of all that kept me alive—

minerals, vitamins, the sun itself.

Strange, how I held on.

Stranger still, how you never let go.

Not a day passes that I don’t wonder

how my backless dress became an invitation,

a gateway to my spine,

where you laced your fingers through my essence,

pulling, twisting, commanding—

until I was no longer mine.

You took and took, insatiable,

but even with my light inside you,

you remained hollow—

a starving thing, dead inside.

The vampire in you was never full.

2025.03.30 - Reclaiming My Light

I look at the list—

the one I once handed my therapist,

each word a trigger,

each memory a weight.

Now, I speak them with ease,

no longer trembling at their names.

Pain softened by understanding,

forgiveness woven into my strength.

I searched within and found

I had never truly forgotten myself.

Only misplaced beneath the heaviness

of all I held in too long.

A black hole once swallowed my inner child,

stealing the sunshine,

dimming the light

that once radiated so freely.

But now,

I release it—

one by one,

letting the sun return to where it always belonged.

2025.03.31

I bandaged my spine, but the dagger remains—

not whole, just fragments buried deep.

The muscles mend, the ligaments knit themselves anew,

but still, it aches.

At some point,

I pressed too hard,

trying to force the blade from my back,

only to drive it in myself.

I wonder—

will this pain one day become ink,

etched into my skin, a testament,

not of burden, not of chaos,

but of something I have set free?

2025.04.01

Magic lingers at my waist,

woven into the heat of your touch.

Are you a flame, or just a breeze—

stirring the surface but never sinking in?

Your gaze, a quiet strategy,

a careful hunt beneath the glow of dimmed lights.

It strikes, it pulls—

and suddenly, I am moving with you,

our bodies speaking in a language older than words.

Kiss me—

let your hands carve meaning into my skin,

trace the curves that trap you

as I surrender to the gravity of us.

In the wildness of impulse,

we are nothing but rhythm, breath, sensation.

Yet still, I wonder—

what if this fire had no spark?

Would I be free from the temptation,

or would I still find my way back to the heat?

2025.04.02

At times, I am too optimistic—

seeing light where shadows stay,

repainting their true colors,

hoping they become

who I believe they could be.

Is it a trauma response?

Possibly so.

But healing isn’t a community project.

I pray for guidance, for protection,

for clarity to listen to

what my soul already knows.

Morals, standards, mindsets—

these are the roots that raise a family,

not wishful thinking.

I cross oceans, not puddles.

So what makes you believe I would stay?

2025.04.03

There is the door,

the space between timelines,

separate goals, scattered desires.

A calm mind, a quiet body—

I feel safe.

I want to be in his arms every night

if only he would stay.

All the words I could write to you

amount to just three: I love you.

But silence isn’t cruelty.

Unanswered prayers

don’t mean you weren’t enough.

I hadn’t even met love yet.

Love isn’t something you beg for—

it settles you, softens you,

makes the world lighter.

And you return the gift,

amplifying its glow.

To grow together, to grow old,

perhaps to bring life into this world—

a reminder that love,

real love, never needs justification

2025.04.04

In hidden love, I wonder—

should I lock my heart away again,

stack walls where no flame could reach me?

I’ve been burned before,

but I’ve seen people shut off their hearts completely,

and I know I could do it best.

Run while I can,

bury desire beneath logic,

let no one touch what I refuse to surrender.

But then, where would that leave me?

Dating men twice my age,

men who don’t understand,

men who are good—but never enough.

I crave more.

Not just hands strong enough to lift me,

but minds that stretch beyond what they know,

souls that recognize themselves before seeking me.

Ambition—

most are still searching for it,

lost in youth or fearing heights I refuse to shrink from.

Clash of lifestyles:

not active enough,

not restless enough,

not willing to chase the horizon with me.

I need someone who can build,

fix, create,

get their hands dirty and still make me feel weightless.

If I keep doing it all alone,

where does he even fit?

But I am not afraid to be alone.

I told my grandmother I was sorry—

sorry that I won’t give her children before she leaves this world,

sorry that I refused to stay where I wasn’t growing,

sorry that I let go of love that drained the light from me.

I wanted to make her happy,

but happiness cannot be built from sacrifice alone.

I try not to be too demanding,

but how do they know?

Who sees the layers beneath my skin?

As my good friend Gabriel said—

You never know which Yara you’ll get.

And that’s the beauty of it.

So I’ll keep being me,

whoever that may be,

whenever love finally dares to meet me there.

best

2025.04.05

I should chase the other half of my dream

What a miss opportunity to meet with who I believe I could get a second chance with

I turned down a job once from same person

It was my second guessing and inability to se what sacrifice could look like

that I forgot what I even wanted to go

Now that I’m ready to sign up it’s full Aghh

Well guess next time

I need to start stepping it up

2025.04.06

11 days to go. I’m counting.

A trip across borders—

to bring my grandmother home.

Do I fear being taken,

assaulted, vanished into the unknown?

Yes.

But fear won’t stop me now.

My therapist asked,

“Are you worried about immigration?”

I said no.

Because all the fear—I’ve let it go.

Not from carelessness,

but from devotion.

I live for my family,

the ones who built me,

the ones I would risk everything for.

Time is ticking,

and I won’t waste it hiding

in the comfort I’ve built

when the heart of me

still beats across a border.

I’ll see my sisters,

my brother with his newborn,

my aunt who is both mother and sister to me.

And if anything happens—

my best friend knows what to do.

What I haven’t yet done

is build a family of my own.

But the legacy of love

already lives in what I would give,

and how far I’ll go

for the ones who made me whole.

2025.04.07

Added additional walls

It’s complicated because someone say sex is easy

I say it’s hard maybe because I don’t crave the touch

Body don’t crave what my heart can’t trust

Rejection in the bedroom is redirection to my emotional

Can’t feel horny and unsure of your loyalty

Am I just an afterthought

Not your priority

Exhausted can’t even crave the touch

No need for temptation when I don’t desire it as much as others think I do

I have to forced my mind, body, soul to connect together to open up

Requires excessive energy on my part to be there

Not just in vulnerable state but to stay

To prove that I can love you and desire you and cherish you too

However I do show up but you will never know how much it takes out on me to do so

It’s a blessing when I’m able to it rarely happens when I feel interconnected within my mind and body

2025.04.08

A heart can hold so much

The mind can recall betrayal

Each loss frees you

It’s never about losing a person is about lost illusions

You will see that the crowds provide comfort

I have always understood solitude and time

I love being around people but when I need to feel the emptiness to reconstruct myself I do it with pride

I have held up in strength for many years and it’s rare that I’ll stay down to long

I forge my power in my loneliness

My natural skin where it reflects and understands what I will never remember again

All that took place eventually fades into nothingness

2025.04.09

My mind isn’t always nice to me

I hit lows rarely but I do

I am most the time upbeat and ready to take on the world

Nothing can stop me

However my mind can

Chemical imbalance short circuits

End in random low death trapping illness

That paralizes my ability to much do anything

But I manage to do routine like a person who suffers Alzheimer’s only recall taste, smell, and repeats

So I can function to some degree but not my fullest

2025.04.10

First sense back is extreme hunger

I want to eat everything it’s as if I came out of hibernation it’s different from when I choose my normal rest after exhausting myself

This hunger is constant through out the day

However it gives me hope that my mind recalibrated

I wake up naturally at 5 am

Latest 6 am without extra help or motivation I move

My body doesn’t feel as it’s decaying it feels reenergized

Unstoppable

Strong firm

Mind sharp I can accomplish anything

A mind can make you or break you

I conditioned myself over years without medication to never let it break me or consume me when I know all odds are against me

I will nourish in the depth of my well

I seen it once and it took months to years to truly escape it

It broke me but shaped me

My mind can handle it even if those imbalances strike and control me for weeks at a time

2025.04.11

Challenge accepted

Aim high it’s your time said the therapist

You let your dreams go once for love don’t stop purse you got signs to do it it’s yours

Go enjoy your creative side you leave out for a change it will rebalance those imabslnces that make you go into your low

 although your experiencing a depression episode

Do things you love outside of your normal brain stimulating activities to balance out

Shoot those hoops, visit the park reconnect with yourself in other ways as you heal

Anxiety stopped driving me

Survivor instincts are decipated I became more Normal and my mind is still trying to find faults but it’s rewiring is fascinating

2025.04.12

Feeling like my normal

Woke up with no need for an alarm my phone was at 5 percent,

I woke up knowing it was time to go get stuff done

I had unlimited energy I hit 3 workout classes,

I hit the hoops with my footwork and shots,

I did my maid of honor duties for my bestie!

I rested my brain by watching humor,

I ate three meals again feeling even more fulfilled

Body oils rubbed to be smooth with a good massage

Great laughs and company

Music didnt irritate me I could play it on repeat again for the whole day one song

Nothing hurt again

My mind feeling less down than these past previous days

2025.04.13

2024.04.15

Slow and happy

“Our Shared Notebook”

(a love poem for where we are now)

Last night,

you didn’t just bring ice cream—

you brought a notebook

filled with dreams

where my name felt written

on every line.

You held me

not just with your hands,

but with your heart wide open—

and in that space,

I melted,

not from heat,

but from feeling safe

in a world that finally feels

like ours.

You kissed me

like you had been waiting

your whole life

to find the right mouth

to write love poems against.

You touched me

like my skin

was the map

to every future

you wanted to build.

We laughed,

we dreamed,

we folded the night around us

like a blanket made of quiet hope.

You shared your debts,

your plans,

your dream house,

and suddenly—

the word we

sounded like home.

I didn’t expect

to fall like this again—

not in a world

where I’d learned

to flinch before trusting.

But here I am,

growing soft again

in your arms,

in your honesty,

in the way

you look at me

like I’m already

the woman

you chose.